


The Yeosang Conundrum

by rendawnie



Series: Predicaments, Conundrums, and Other Assorted Problems [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Competition, Crushes, Dancing, Friendship, Jongho is still smarter than any of them, Love Triangles, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Swearing, Texting, Unreliable Narrator, as per usual, everyone has too many feelings and not enough brain cells, here we go y'all, nothing new there, romantically and otherwise, vine references as always
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:33:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rendawnie/pseuds/rendawnie
Summary: yeoyeoman:is it gonna be like step upsanshine:noyeoyeoman:step up 2: the streetsooohyoung:noyeoyeoman:step up 3dsanshine:please stopyeoyeoman:step up revolution
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Predicaments, Conundrums, and Other Assorted Problems [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669129
Comments: 266
Kudos: 505





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> joong: Hongjoong  
> Mars: Seonghwa  
> uno bitches: Yunho  
> yeoyeoman: Yeosang  
> sanshine: San  
> MaNGo: Mingi  
> ooohyoung: Wooyoung  
> Superbaby: Jongho
> 
> *UPDATES WEEKLY!*

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**sanshine:**

/breathes this is how i enter my house

what’s UP fuckers

**joong:**

why do you have my phone

**sanshine:**

FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY

**Mars:**

Are we really still doing vine refs in the year of our lord 2020

**yeoyeoman:**

yes

**MaNGo:**

yeth

**Superbaby:**

Mingi, you don’t count, you’re literally a walking meme

**MaNGo:**

thank you

**uno bitches:**

i guess we’re all back safe from spring break?

**ooohyoung:**

correct, no one perished in the process of partying

**joong:**

i wasn’t partying

i was here

in my dorm room

alone

**yeoyeoman:**

bleak

hyung why did you abandon your boyfriend

**Mars:**

I didnt

I invited him on vacation with my parents and I

He said no

**joong:**

i’m not ready for parents

i’m not parent friendly

**uno bitches:**

you’re literally our dad 

**sanshine:**

literally

**joong:**

i’m literally not

anyway how were all of your breaks

**MaNGo:**

good uwu

yunho and i went to the beach every day

i still have sand in my buttcrack

**uno bitches:**

i told you it wasn’t a nude beach

**MaNGo:**

i dont know what youre talking about

any beach can be a nude beach if you are nude

**Superbaby:**

Please stop saying nude

**MaNGo:**

nah im good

**yeoyeoman:**

jongho and i got a hotel room in the city

honestly i don’t think we left that room all week

we were just in bed the entire time

**Mars:**

Stop

**yeoyeoman:**

playing final fantasy on jongho’s ancient snes

**sanshine:**

what

where did you even get a snes jongho

they came out before you were even a tiny tadpole in your dad’s nutsack

**joong:**

would it be even slightly possible

san

for you to say things in a less disgusting way

**sanshine:**

it would not but i appreciate the feedback hyung

**Superbaby:**

I’m a collector

**yeoyeoman:**

he got it on craigslist

**Superbaby:**

A COLLECTOR NEVER REVEALS HIS SOURCES

**uno bitches:**

i don’t think that’s true

**Superbaby:**

I hate you all

**Mars:**

who are we missing

**ooohyoung:**

us

me and san

**Mars:**

We all know what you two did

**joong:**

and that is the first and last time we will be pooling our extremely limited resources to bail you out of a backwoods jail cell

**sanshine:**

boring

**Mars:**

Moving swiftly along

Classes start back tomorrow

So

This is our last night of freedom for a while

**joong:**

um

until, y’know

the weekend

**Mars:**

Silence

**joong:**

yes daddy uwu

**yeoyeoman:**

i am: actually barfing

**Mars:**

Hes joking

**MaNGo:**

he probably isnt

**joong:**

EYES EMOJI INTENSIFIES

**Mars:**

Jesus fucking

Im

Okay

Whatever

Just

This is a night 

Where we all have nothing to do

**uno bitches:**

except each other

**Mars:**

WHERE WE ALL HAVE NOTHING TO DO

**Superbaby:**

**🙃**

**Mars:**

And for some unknown reason I miss your faces even though theyre constantly causing me abstract levels of mental distress

**yeoyeoman:**

uwu

**Mars:**

SO LETS

HANG OUT

Holy shit why did it take so long to get that thought out

Why are you people like this

**joong:**

just lucky i guess

**Superbaby:**

Let’s not go to the bar

Let’s be responsible for once in our lives

**ooohyoung:**

thanks i hate it

**sanshine:**

wooyoung yunho and i were thinking about checking out a street performance by our rival dance team if you guys wanna tag along

we have to figure out how to destroy them in the next competition

**Mars:**

Mingi, arent you on the dance team too?

**MaNGo:**

not this semester ( ⁍᷄⌢̻⁍᷅ )

parents want me to give my back a break

i tried to talk yeosang into taking my spot but he doesnt like people so they gave it to some freshman

**yeoyeoman:**

i regret nothing

**sanshine:**

except not dancing

**yeoyeoman:**

incorrect

i can dance anywhere

i am dancing right now

**Superbaby:**

He’s not

**uno bitches:**

anyway

mingi’s gonna be back next semester, dw

in the meantime he’s only gonna break his back for me

**joong:**

yunho

**uno bitches:**

in the bedroom

**Mars:**

Yunho

**uno bitches:**

talkin about sex

**MaNGo:**

uwu

**ooohyoung:**

...anyway

now that we’re all sufficiently nauseated

we have to observe this team in their natural habitat

so we can learn how to beat them in a competition

**ooohyoung:**

their natural habitat is the streets

**uno bitches:**

apparently their captain was like a really popular street dancer before college

i’m scared

what if he goes rogue and tries to battle us and we’re not prepared

**sanshine:**

we’re not battle ready

**yeoyeoman:**

oh

**ooohyoung:**

do not

**yeoyeoman:**

is it gonna be like step up

**sanshine:**

no

**yeoyeoman:**

step up 2: the streets

**ooohyoung:**

no

**yeoyeoman:**

step up 3d

**sanshine:**

please stop

**yeoyeoman:**

step up revolution

**joong:**

why do you know the names of all the step up movies

**ooohyoung:**

he’s not done yet

**yeoyeoman:**

it’s my emotional support franchise

**yeoyeoman:**

step up: all in

**sanshine:**

now he’s done

**uno bitches:**

wasn’t there more step ups

**yeoyeoman:**

we do not acknowledge spin offs and tv shows in this household

**MaNGo:**

a man of Taste

**Mars:**

Im

**yeoyeoman:**

will there be cute boys with nice muscles there

**sanshine:**

yes

**Superbaby:**

I mean, if you go I go, so _my_ muscles will be there

**yeoyeoman:**

sold

**uno bitches:**

great

**MaNGo:**

im already going with my yunho, so 

**Mars:**

Sure why not

**joong:**

alright

meet up at seonghwa’s like usual?

**sanshine:**

why do we always meet at seonghwa’s first instead of just meeting at places

**Mars:**

Excuse me

**sanshine:**

no no! it’s not that i don’t like your place, hyung

i was just

wondering

**yeoyeoman:**

seonghwa has the most number of couches and or chairs

**joong:**

and the biggest tv

**uno bitches:**

and the biggest bathroom with a lock on the door

for

reasons

**MaNGo:**

:)

**sanshine:**

okay but why does any of that matter if we’re just going to leave and go somewhere else

**yeoyeoman:**

we have to procrastinate for an appropriate amount of time

it’s like pregaming but without alcohol

precrastinating

**Mars:**

It is Known.

**sanshine:**

i

**ooohyoung:**

stop your protesting now and i’ll go down on you in that big bathroom with a lock on the door before we leave

**sanshine:**

...sold.

**Superbaby:**

I don’t like it

Feels bad

**joong:**

mood

*******

**_dance dance revolution_ **

**uno bitches:**

i can’t breathe

i think i’m going to throw up through my nose

help

helphelphelp

**sanshine:**

this is

unexpected

**ooohyoung:**

it is not

we knew they were gonna be good

**uno bitches:**

WHY ARE YOU SO CALM

THAT DUDE JUST DID A BACKFLIP OVER TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME

THAT SHOULDN’T BE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE

**ooohyoung:**

i’m calm because i’m dead inside

this has killed me

**sanshine:**

yunho we can’t win against these guys

there’s no way

**uno bitches:**

YOU BITE YOUR TONGUE

THERE’S ALWAYS A WAY

**ooohyoung:**

maybe you should sit down

you look a little

purple

in the face

**uno bitches:**

i can’t sit down

what if i miss something

**sanshine:**

it would probably be better

one less thing to be yelly about

**uno bitches:**

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR YELLY YUNHO

**sanshine:**

i didn’t? ask?

**uno bitches:**

i’m sorry

i’m just

**sanshine:**

freaking out?

**ooohyoung:**

oh shit

oh shit oh shit

fuck

um

i

**sanshine:**

what’s happening

why are you hiding behind me

**ooohyoung:**

shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

we have to leave

right now

we have to get yeosang out of here

**uno bitches:**

what

why

**ooohyoung:**

no time

act now

talk later

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**joong:**

why is wooyoung serpentining through the crowd towards us instead of walking like a human

this is awkward

**ooohyoung:**

IT’S TIME TO FUCKING GO

**yeoyeoman:**

what’s going on?

**ooohyoung:**

ACT NOW

TALK LATER

**Mars:**

Children

Gather

**Superbaby:**

Holy shit why did we all respond to Seonghwa so quickly

**MaNGo:**

i think thats a new personal record for us

**Mars:**

Were leaving

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m so confused

**ooohyoung:**

MINHO

MINHO IS HERE

**yeoyeoman:**

what??? where???

we should say hi!!!!

it’s been like four years!!

**ooohyoung:**

jongho

please

**Superbaby:**

Babe

I’m really confused too and I want to apologize for this in advance

But

**joong:**

wow

that looked

very easy

**uno bitches:**

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlike a sack of potatoes

just

over the shoulder

let’s go back to my room, mingi

i have

needs

**MaNGo:**

uwu

**sanshine:**

this night has taken several sharp and sudden turns

like

enough to make a circle

we have circled back to the beginning

**joong:**

except now there’s way more unexplained existential dread

**_if anyone adds yeosang to this chat i’ll choke you out with my bare hands_ **

**_ooohyoung_ ** _added_ **_joong, Mars, uno bitches, sanshine, MaNGo_ ** _and_ **_Superbaby_ **

**ooohyoung:**

less talky more walky

i’ll explain once we’re out of the line of fire

**Mars:**

The line of FIRE??

Are my children in danger???

**ooohyoung:**

emotionally

**Mars:**

Oh okay

Thats fine then

**sanshine:**

REALLY

**MaNGo:**

i feel unsafe

**Superbaby:**

You better tell me who I need to drop kick, hyung

Do not underestimate my protective urges when it comes to Yeosang

**ooohyoung:**

i don’t

they’re going to come in handy

**joong:**

who is this minho

and why do we hate him

**ooohyoung:**

he is a smooth talking body rolling life ruining motherfucker and i want him away from my best friend before it happens again

**Superbaby:**

I have a sudden need to meaningfully and menacingly crack my knuckles but I only have one hand available

I’m not dropping Yeosang

Someone else crack their knuckles, maybe the sound will be enough to satisfy me

**Superbaby:**

Thank you San

**ooohyoung:**

you didn’t have to be that extra

the smirk was not needed

**sanshine:**

wasn't it

**MaNGo:**

even in an emergency we are all: horny

**uno bitches:**

can’t be helped

**joong:**

he’s right and he should say it

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**yeoyeoman:**

JONGHO IF YOU DON’T PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW

**Superbaby:**

Two seconds babe

**yeoyeoman:**

...okay that’s cheating, we were two seconds from my door

**Superbaby:**

:)

**yeoyeoman:**

wooyoung, what the fuck

why did we just run away from one of our old friends without even saying hello??

**ooohyoung:**

ONE OF OUR OLD

I CAN’T

**yeoyeoman:**

is he not?

aren’t you even curious about why he’s here suddenly??

**ooohyoung:**

no

i’m not

**yeoyeoman:**

ugh

why did you always hate him, anyway

like for no reason!!

he’s one of the chillest people i’ve ever met

**ooohyoung:**

we should have this conversation privately

**yeoyeoman:**

i think we should stay right here

so everyone can see you act like a lunatic

**sanshine:**

watch it

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m not scared of you SANSHINE

**sanshine:**

as you were

**joong:**

alright, that’s enough

**Mars:**

It is, yes

Where are Yunho and Mingi

**Superbaby:**

We lost them as soon as we got in the building

They're probably 

Y’know

**Mars:**

Great thanks

**Mars:**

Listen

Everyones obviously really worked up right now

Maybe its best that we call it a night

**yeoyeoman:**

absolutely not

not until i get an explanation

**Mars:**

Super

Well, Hongjoong and I are leaving

**joong:**

sure

the vibe in here is unsatisfying anyway

**yeoyeoman:**

fuck you

the vibe in here is amazing

i have fairy lights

**joong:**

that’s

not

**sanshine:**

woo?

do you wanna go?

**ooohyoung:**

yeosang

i think it’s best if we just

take a breather

that got really intense 

**yeoyeoman:**

ALL YOUR DOING, IF YOU’LL RECALL

**ooohyoung:**

even so

i’m not sorry i flipped out

you can’t seriously ask me to apologize for wanting to protect you

**yeoyeoman:**

from WHAT

from a nice guy we both used to be friends with in high school??

**ooohyoung:**

yeosang

that’s

he’s

**yeoyeoman:**

he’s WHAT

**Superbaby:**

I find it really bizarre that this conversation is still happening over text when we’re all in the same dorm room

**yeoyeoman:**

would you rather actual yelling

**Superbaby:**

I would not

**ooohyoung:**

yeosang

we’re leaving

i promise we’ll talk about this tomorrow when everyone is calmer

**yeoyeoman:**

whatever

**sanshine:**

jongho

you should

distract him

after we leave

**Superbaby:**

Roger that hyung

I’m on it

**joong:**

bye you guys

fun night

**Mars:**

Later

**uno bitches:**

mingi and i say night

**Mars:**

We can hear you two doors away

Be quieter

With your

Noises

**MaNGo:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-=≡≡≡≡☆

**Superbaby:**

why is my brain defaulting to the most obscene possibilities behind that face

**MaNGo:**

ah

you know us too well


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> joong: Hongjoong  
> Mars: Seonghwa  
> uno bitches: Yunho  
> yeoyeoman: Yeosang  
> sanshine: San  
> MaNGo: Mingi  
> ooohyoung: Wooyoung  
> Superbaby: Jongho
> 
> jenojam: Jeno  
> aussielix: Felix  
> sk8eric: Eric
> 
> *UPDATES WEEKLY!*

**_this is just between you and me_ **

**_ooohyoung_ ** _is typing…_

**Superbaby:**

Good morning, hyung.

**ooohyoung:**

what the fuck

jongho

it’s like seven am

what are you doing

**Superbaby:**

Waiting.

**ooohyoung:**

for what

don’t tell me you’ve been sitting here with this window open all night

**Superbaby:**

No

**ooohyoung:**

okay good

**Superbaby:**

I nodded off for about thirty minutes around 2.

**ooohyoung:**

what

the fuck

**Superbaby:**

I figured you would message me

I didn’t want to miss it

**ooohyoung:**

you know

the messages don’t just disappear

they would still be here when you got up

**Superbaby:**

I felt that this was something that needed to be addressed promptly

**ooohyoung:**

you don’t even know what i came here to say

**Superbaby:**

Don’t I.

**ooohyoung:**

jongho

i say this with love

but you’re being fuckin creepy today

**Superbaby:**

:)

**ooohyoung:**

no

please don’t

don’t adopt hongjoong’s mysterious smiley

**Superbaby:**

Fine

I’ll

I’ll dial it back

**ooohyoung:**

good

**Superbaby:**

Like two percent

**ooohyoung:**

jongho

**Superbaby:**

Okay, twenty, you twisted my arm

**ooohyoung:**

I JUST WANTED TO KNOW HOW YEOSANG WAS DOING

**Superbaby:**

He’s, y’know

Disgruntled

So

**ooohyoung:**

so business as usual, then?

**Superbaby:**

More disgruntled than usual

**ooohyoung:**

oh

**Superbaby:**

Listen, Wooyoung

**ooohyoung:**

jongho, i really don’t think i should be the one to tell you about the whole thing with minho

i haven’t even had a chance to talk to yeosang about it

but we’re clearly remembering the situation in two very different ways

**Superbaby:**

Sounds familiar

Sounds like a certain

Predicament

From ages past

**ooohyoung:**

stop being meta

**Superbaby:**

Huh

**ooohyoung:**

nothing

**Superbaby:**

Anyway

I wasn’t going to ask you anything about that guy

I just wanted you to know that, y’know

I know

**ooohyoung:**

you know what

**Superbaby:**

I Know.

**ooohyoung:**

...ok

**Superbaby:**

And I’m always watching

On high alerthjd

Alerthgk

ALErt

**ooohyoung:**

jongho

how many cups of coffee have you had while you were staying up all night

waiting

**Superbaby:**

Nine

I have the shakes

Doesn’t matter

**ooohyoung:**

please go to sleep

i promise it’s not that serious

at least not right now

**Superbaby:**

You’re sure

**ooohyoung:**

yeah totally

i mean

he was just at some thing we happened to be at too

we don’t even know why he was there

it was a coincidence

it might not even mean he’s staying

or that he’s going to have anything to do with yeosang again

**Superbaby:**

That’s true

Maybe it’s best just to forget the whole thing

**ooohyoung:**

exactly!

the fact that he just randomly showed up at a performance three hours away from the last place we remember him being is totally inconsequential!

**Superbaby:**

...Dude

**ooohyoung:**

great talk, buddy

**_2 bros chillin in a chat room_ **

**_ooohyoung_ ** _is typing…_

**yeoyeoman:**

suh dude

**ooohyoung:**

IT’S LIKE THE TWILIGHT ZONE

WHAT IS H A P P E N I N G

**yeoyeoman:**

lmao

jongho just woke me up

he thought you might be about to message me

**ooohyoung:**

jongho is too smart for his own good

**yeoyeoman:**

i know

it’s hot

**ooohyoung:**

so are you still mad at me?

**yeoyeoman:**

no

i was barely mad at you last night

just confused

i just

don’t understand

**ooohyoung:**

i think that

we just had two very different minho experiences, yeosang

**yeoyeoman:**

i guess so

but i don’t like feeling as though everyone’s trying to protect me from things, woo

i’m not a child

**ooohyoung:**

i know you’re not

and you knew i wasn’t either

and yet

san

**yeoyeoman:**

that was different

**ooohyoung:**

how

**yeoyeoman:**

i don’t know

i’ll get back to you

**ooohyoung:**

lol

let’s just agree to forget about last night, okay?

i’m still not sorry that i wanted to look out for you

but i could have done it in a less abrupt way, i suppose

**yeoyeoman:**

yeah

agreed

letting it go starting now

**ooohyoung:**

good :)

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**joong:**

i still can’t believe my mother has the worst timing in the world

i can’t believe she called me while i was MID-BLOWJOB

**Mars:**

I cant believe you answered

Also

This is the main chat, babe

Again

**joong:**

FUCK

**sanshine:**

i need an adult

**_2 bros chillin in a chat room_ **

**ooohyoung:**

maybe we should just stay in here for a while

it’s nice here

less upsetting

**yeoyeoman:**

i keep waiting for my personal limit on knowing about hyung’s sex life

i’m honestly stunned i haven’t hit it yet

**ooohyoung:**

maybe that’s just your brain giving your ass too much credit

**yeoyeoman:**

i have no idea what the hell that means

but

my ass deserves a lot of credit, i feel

it’s a good ass

grabbable, even

**ooohyoung:**

aaaaaaaaaaand safe room status: gone

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**joong:**

i’m SORRY, okay?? i’m sorry i got a super hot boyfriend and a super hot sex life FOR ONCE and that i ACCIDENTALLY talk about it in rooms where i’m not supposed to!

you can’t judge me!

you’re all just as bad!!

**Mars:**

Joongie, calm down

**joong:**

I WILL NOT

MINGI AND YUNHO THE TWO BIGGEST EXHIBITIONISTS I KNOW

INSULTING ME IN MY OWN CHAT

**yeoyeoman:**

hey uh

i just got here

but 

i scrolled back up

and literally all yunho said was “y’know, hyung,”

**joong:**

DIABOLICAL

SAID WITH MALICIOUS INTENT

**uno bitches:**

sure hyung

sure

**Mars:**

Can we just move on

Please

Why does it always take so long for us to stop talking about things like this

**MaNGo:**

hormones uwu

**Superbaby:**

I am: disgusted

**ooohyoung:**

it’s too early for this oh my god

**Mars:**

Truly, it is

**uno bitches:**

i’ve been up since 5

worrying

then being excited

then worrying some more

i did about 200 push ups

a bunch of crunches

had a protein bar and started the whole thing over again

**MaNGo:**

yunho is

going through some things today

**ooohyoung:**

?

what’s happening?

**sanshine:**

anything we need to know?

**uno bitches:**

uh

apparently

SoMe PeoPLe

who shall remain nameless

because they are no longer relevant to my life or my valuable time

can’t totally “handle” my style of captaining the dance team

**ooohyoung:**

oh

i

**uno bitches:**

and they quit

four of them

first thing this morning

**sanshine:**

oh wow

**uno bitches:**

do you guys think i’m

like

harsh

or uh

mean

**ooohyoung:**

of course not

**uno bitches:**

thank you :(

**sanshine:**

outside of team practices

**uno bitches:**

oh

**ooohyoung:**

competitions

**uno bitches:**

um

**sanshine:**

any dance-related event, really

**uno bitches:**

i 

**Mars:**

But wait

Hasnt there only been one practice so far?

And no competitions

Or events?

**MaNGo:**

shhhhh were not talking about that

**uno bitches:**

i’m right here, mingi

**MaNGo:**

well stop reading then damn

**joong:**

yikes

**Superbaby:**

Big Yike

**uno bitches:**

but anyway

it’s going to be fine!

we contacted the next four names on the final list from tryouts!

and three of them are officially on the team!

**sanshine:**

well that’s good!

that’s almost as many as we need!

just one spot left to fill, that shouldn’t be too hard

**MaNGo:**

yeosang

nows your time to shine 

**uno bitches:**

pls

**ooohyoung:**

pls

**sanshine:**

plsplspls

**yeoyeoman:**

still no

i haven’t danced with a group, like, ever

i haven’t danced in a long time, period

not like, _seriously_

i’m probably not even good enough anymore

**ooohyoung:**

yes you are!

**sanshine:**

i’m pretty sure you are

**uno bitches:**

it doesn’t matter if you aren’t

i trust you

how am i supposed to trust these new little nerds

**MaNGo:**

youll get there baby

**Superbaby:**

Guys, don’t pressure Yeosang into it

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m not doing it either way lol

i have classes and a life and pride that i’m not interested in having systematically destroyed by yelly yunho on a daily basis

**uno bitches:**

i would not yell

i would be so nice

i promise

**sanshine:**

hahahaha

**ooohyoung:**

loooooooool

**MaNGo:**

baby

**uno bitches:**

...ok fine but i’d ONLY yell a little

**yeoyeoman:**

no thank you

**uno bitches:**

A CAPTAIN IS ONLY AS GOOD AS HIS MILITARISTIC ATTITUDE AND APPROACH

**joong:**

to a college dance team

**uno bitches:**

yes

**joong:**

ok

**uno bitches:**

i just :( want to win :(

this is my first year as captain

i want to do good

**sanshine:**

we know, hyung

**ooohyoung:**

we can take it

**yeoyeoman:**

patpatpat

**uno bitches:**

:O does that mean

**yeoyeoman:**

no.

**_dance dance revolution_ **

**_uno bitches_ ** _added_ **_jenojam, sk8eric,_ ** _and_ **_aussielix_ **

**uno bitches:**

good morning!

as you all know, i am your dance overlord yunho

you may call me hyung

the whole team is in this chat

but only like 3 of us actually talk

the cool people, you know

so

welcome

please introduce yourselves

*******

**uno bitches:**

whispers why is no one replying

**MaNGo:**

its still not even 8 in the morning

patience uwu

***********

**jenojam:**

Oh!

Okay

Hello

I’m Jeno

Nice to meet you all

**uno bitches:**

hello jeno

can you tell us anything about your specialties

**jenojam:**

Haha well um

My friends all say my talent is being boring

But I also really like cats!

I have three

Even though I’m allergic

I like… food? I guess?

**uno bitches:**

...i meant your dancing specialties

**jenojam:**

Oh right

Cause

Dance chat

**uno bitches:**

right

**jenojam:**

I’m pretty good at tricking?

Like, y’know

Flippies and shit

**uno bitches:**

is that a technical term

**MaNGo:**

babe

**uno bitches:**

i’m sorry

i’m really nervous

nice to meet you, jeno

i’m looking forward to working with you!

**jenojam:**

Yeah you too

Who’s “MaNGo”?

**MaNGo:**

im mingi

im not on the team this semester but usually im one of the lead dancers

**ooohyoung:**

at the moment he’s yunho’s groupie

**sanshine:**

SNORT

**MaNGo:**

i cant dispute

**jenojam:**

Oh okay

That’s cool :>

**ooohyoung:**

i’m wooyoung

**sanshine:**

san

**ooohyoung:**

we’re your new gay dance dads

**jenojam:**

Okay

*******

**aussielix:**

whoa hey hi

when did i get added to a chat ^_^

hihihi

**jenojam:**

Hello! I’m Jeno

**aussielix:**

felix

**uno bitches:**

yunho

**MaNGo:**

mingi

**sanshine:**

san

**ooohyoung:**

wooyoung

**aussielix:**

so youre my new dance mates??

**ooohyoung:**

looks like it

**uno bitches:**

as previously explained, i am your captain

please tell us a little about yourself

**aussielix:**

omg the Pressure ajksflkjasl

im from australia but i live here now

for like

idk a few years

my favorite color is rainbow and i have a lot of plushies

**uno bitches:**

about

your

dancing

ability

**aussielix:**

OH

right on

im pretty good at it

**sanshine:**

fantastic

**ooohyoung:**

the Descriptive Quality ✊

**aussielix:**

uwu 

**_aussielix_ ** _sent an image file_

**aussielix:**

here is me surrounded by all my plushies aka the loves of my life

**sanshine:**

*inhales* must protecc

**ooohyoung:**

oh my god

**MaNGo:**

SMOL

**uno bitches:**

that’s actually a good idea

new recruits please send pics of yourself so we can match names to faces at the next practice!

**_jenojam_ ** _sent an image file_

**ooohyoung:**

oh great

i bet you’re tall, too

**jenojam:**

I guess? Like 177cm?

**sanshine:**

shameful

**ooohyoung:**

SHAMEFUL

**jenojam:**

What is happening

**MaNGo:**

theyre mad because youre hot and tall and theyre only hot

**aussielix:**

hey hey its okay guys

im also smol

as you can tell by my photo

**ooohyoung:**

UWUS LOUDLY

**uno bitches:**

so i guess now we just wait for uhhhh

eric?

i think his name is eric

*******

**sk8eric:**

BUSTS DOWN THE DOOR IN TWO LANGUAGES

GOOD EVENING BITCHES

**jenojam:**

It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon

**sk8eric:**

Boring

**jenojam:**

You don’t even know me!

**uno bitches:**

i guess this is eric

**sk8eric:**

Whats up

Im Eric

Im here to be fuckin sick at dancing

**aussielix:**

uwu hello

**sk8eric:**

Hey are you that one kid in my government lecture

**aussielix:**

idk

**sk8eric:**

Australian?

**aussielix:**

yesh

**sk8eric:**

Yes

Sweet

Im america

American

**uno bitches:**

can you share a pic with us so we can all recognize you at the upcoming practice? i’m yunho, btw. i’m your captain this year.

**sk8eric:**

Oh wow hey

Whats up your honor

**_sk8eric_ ** _sent an image file_

**uno bitches:**

cool thanks

**ooohyoung:**

i don’t know shit about skateboarding but i think our friend yeosang would be really jealous of that board

**sk8eric:**

Yo introduce me sometime

_**MaNGo** sent an image file_

**MaNGo:**

here is a picture of me and yunho and wooyoung and san all together uwu

**jenojam:**

Cute

**aussielix:**

uwu we stan best friends

**sk8eric:**

Squad

*******

_An unknown user_ _requested an invitation to_ ** _dance dance revolution._** _Invite now? [Yes/No]_

*******

_An unknown user_ _invited_ ** _uno bitches_** _to a private chat. Accept? [_ ** _Yes_** _/No]_

*******

_You have accepted_ **_Lee Minho’s_ ** _private chat invitation. Add as friend? [Yes/No]_

*******

**_hello_ **

**Lee Minho:**

Hello :) I’m sorry to contact you out of nowhere, but I was advised by faculty that this was the best way to get ahold of you.

My name is Lee Minho, and I’ve transferred here this semester as the new assistant dance team coach at the university, among other things, which makes me your direct superior. I thought it would be a good idea if you would add me to the group chat you have with the other members of the dance team, just so I can stay informed about anything related to how you all are feeling or answer any questions you might have a bit easier.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

*******

**_uno bitches_ ** _has requested admin privileges for this private chat._

*******

**_Lee Minho_ ** _accepted your request for admin privileges. You are now the sole admin of the room._

_*******_

**_uno bitches_ ** _changed_ **_Lee Minho’s_ ** _username to_ **_meanhoe_ **

  
**_uno bitches_ ** _has left the chat._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> joong: Hongjoong  
> Mars: Seonghwa  
> uno bitches: Yunho  
> yeoyeoman: Yeosang  
> sanshine: San  
> MaNGo: Mingi  
> ooohyoung: Wooyoung  
> Superbaby: Jongho
> 
> jenojam: Jeno  
> aussielix: Felix  
> sk8eric: Eric
> 
> *UPDATES WEEKLY!*

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**uno bitches:**

haha so opinions

i need them

who’s here

**Mars:**

Me

**joong:**

present

**yeoyeoman:**

sup

**sanshine:**

aloha

**MaNGo:**

(*￣Ｏ￣)ノ

**ooohyoung:**

i’m here

**Superbaby:**

Whutup

**uno bitches:**

why is everyone always available

don’t any of us have lives

**yeoyeoman:**

hahahahaha

**joong:**

friendship is life

**MaNGo:**

ball is life

**Superbaby:**

No, we don’t

**uno bitches:**

great

**Mars:**

Whats up? What opinions do you need? I have lots of them

**Superbaby:**

We Know

**uno bitches:**

so like

i’m kind of freaking out right now

apparently this minho guy is the new assistant dance team coach suddenly

**yeoyeoman:**

wait what

**ooohyoung:** **  
**oh fuck

**uno bitches:**

and he sent me a message asking me to add him to the group chat for the team

**sanshine:**

um

**uno bitches:**

and like

my soul left my body temporarily and all that remained was a petty, vengeful shell

**joong:**

uwu

**uno bitches:**

and i maybe changed his name to meanhoe and then left the chat without saying a word

**sanshine:**

MEANHOE

**MaNGo:**

m e a n h o e

**yeoyeoman:**

why would you do that??

**ooohyoung:**

i’m not mad about it

**Superbaby:**

Why is he even like

Here

As a person

And not leaving

As a person

**Mars:**

What

**joong:**

yunho

maybe you should have brought up this topic

elsewhere

**uno bitches:**

why

**yeoyeoman:**

elsewhere?

wait

do you guys have another chat without me or something??

**sanshine:**

no

**Mars:**

Absolutely not

**yeoyeoman:**

jongho

tell me the truth

**Superbaby:**

I’m super late for class actually

I’m

Bout to head out

**yeoyeoman:**

DO NOT

LEAVING WITHOUT AN ANSWER IS AS GOOD AS LYING

AND I KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS ANYWAY

**ooohyoung:**

yeo, don’t be mad

i just needed to let them know that we would talk about what happened with minho later after we got back home

**Mars:**

But then we didnt

**MaNGo:**

oh tru

i kinda forgot that part

**sanshine:**

we’ll talk about it when wooyoung is ready 

**ooohyoung:**

i

**yeoyeoman:**

WHEN WOOYOUNG

WHAT

THE HELL

WHAT ABOUT ME

DOESN’T MY OPINION MATTER

**Mars:**

Yes

**ooohyoung:**

most of the time

**yeoyeoman:**

die

**joong:**

everyone just take it down like two notches, please

**yeoyeoman:**

i will not

i will take it up fourteen notches if i have to

woo

you’re being completely unfair

going behind my back to talk about minho

not letting us both get our opinions out and decide which one is true

telling the guys would be the perfect way to do that

**ooohyoung:**

i disagree

it’s too emotional a topic

obviously

for you

**yeoyeoman:**

I’M NOT FUCKING EMOTIONAL

I’M JUST

HYPERVENTILATING LIKE I DO EVERY DAY

**uno bitches:**

guys i’m really sorry

i feel like i messed up again just like i did when i blabbed about san and wooyoung hooking up

**ooohyoung:**

it’s not that intense

don’t worry

**sanshine:**

i sincerely hope this isn’t on that level

**uno bitches:**

i think i’m having a stroke

**MaNGo:**

youre not

youre just a bit red in the face

its fine

sit down

**uno bitches:**

i don’t wanna

**MaNGo:**

SIT DOWN YOU BIG BABY

**joong:**

blinks

**sanshine:**

oh

**ooohyoung:**

i’ve never heard mingi raise his voice before

**Mars:**

Im scared

**uno bitches:**

mood

**MaNGo:**

sorry

i just wanted you to calm down before you worked yourself up into an actual heart attack

uwu

**sanshine:**

you can’t uwu now!

that’s a false uwu!!

**ooohyoung:**

an uwu lie

**MaNGo:**

guys don’t worry i’m fine

☆⌒(*’艸＾*)

  
  


**joong:**

what is that

what is that slight against god of a kaomoji

**MaNGo:**

laughing

**Mars:**

If you say so

**MaNGo:**

ヾ(･ω･｀★)ゞ

**ooohyoung:**

where’s yeosang

**Mars:**

Yeosang, this is your mother speaking and I order you to respond

**sanshine:**

yike

**uno bitches:**

oh god

jongho’s gone

yeosang’s not answering

**ooohyoung:**

i’m heading to his dorm room rn

i’ll find him before he does something stupid

*******

_**From:** kangyeo615 _

_**To:** leetaemindance _

_Hello :) My name is Kang Yeosang. I’m sending you this email because I’m interested in claiming the last open spot on the dance team this semester. I’m a friend of Yunho’s, but I emailed you since you’re the head of the whole dance department, and I wanted to surprise him by showing up at the next practice haha! I have previous dance experience and know a lot of different styles. Let me know if I should send example videos or if you want to schedule a face to face audition. Please don’t tell Yunho! Not a word!_

_Thanks,_

_Yeosang_

*******

_**From:** leetaemindance _

_**To:** kangyeo615 _

_Yeosang -- no audition necessary. I was going crazy thinking we wouldn’t be able to find one more dancer in time for the first performance. The spot’s yours. Have fun surprising Yunho!!_

*******

**_2 bros chillin in a chat room_ **

**ooohyoung:**

yeosang if you don’t open this goddamn door i will break it down with the strength of my thighs alone

you know i can

**ooohyoung:**

i know you’re in there

i can hear you playing pokemon sword

also your r.a. says if i keep banging on the door and yelling he’s going to make sure you get a different dorm room far away from him

one with a roommate

**yeoyeoman:**

then stop fucking banging on the door and yelling!

**ooohyoung:**

then let me in

**yeoyeoman:**

no

i’m mad at you

you made a chat without me just to talk about me

i have to stew about this for at least another few hours before i’m ready to move on

**ooohyoung:**

i get that you’re upset

i’m sorry i felt like i had to talk to the others without you

but we just disagree so much on this minho thing and i didn’t have a lot of options

**yeoyeoman:**

here’s an option

you could

agree with me instead

**ooohyoung:**

no

i remember too well what happened

**yeoyeoman:**

nothing happened!!

**ooohyoung:**

yeosang

**yeoyeoman:**

no

literally nothing happened

we were friends

that’s it

it’s not like we ever dated or even messed around

so what’s your problem

**ooohyoung:**

dude

there’s a myriad of ways to be an asshole without actually having a mouth kiss

**yeoyeoman:**

“there’s a myriad of ways to be an asshole without actually having a mouth kiss”

debut album name

i called it

**ooohyoung:**

fine

just

**yeoyeoman:**

lol

**ooohyoung:**

i just came over to make sure you don’t do something stupid

**yeoyeoman:**

like

**ooohyoung:**

i don’t know

whatever stupid thing comes to your mind

**yeoyeoman:**

are you implying that all my ideas are stupid

**ooohyoung:**

NO

I JUST

KNOW YOU’RE UPSET RIGHT NOW

AND YOU HAVE A TENDENCY

**yeoyeoman:**

TO WHAT

**ooohyoung:**

to haul off and make bad choices without consulting anyone first 

**yeoyeoman:**

i don’t need to consult anyone! i’m an adult!

**ooohyoung:**

okay

but

what about jongho

**yeoyeoman:**

what ABOUT jongho

he’s just as bad as the rest of you right now

he’s my BOYFRIEND and he was in this chat and didn’t tell me anything about it either

i mean holy shit

how much information has been passed between you all in that room about me

is it just a place where you gather to vent about what a frustrating dickhead i am??

does my boyfriend secretly think i’m a dickhead???

**ooohyoung:**

****first of all

literally no conversation has happened in that room since we were leaving the dance performance

secondly

no one thinks you’re a dickhead

least of all jongho

**yeoyeoman:**

well i wouldn’t know

i wasn’t there

**ooohyoung:**

YOU’RE BEING IRRATIONAL

**yeoyeoman:**

so’s your face

**ooohyoung:**

YOU WOULDN’T KNOW

YOU WON’T LET ME IN

**yeoyeoman:**

i know your face pretty well after twelve years of friendship, wooyoung

**ooohyoung:**

you may not be a dickhead but you sure as fuck are frustrating

**yeoyeoman:**

thanks i try

**ooohyoung:**

just open the fucking door

**yeoyeoman:**

why should i

what areas of my life will it improve

**ooohyoung:**

all

all areas

**yeoyeoman:**

i doubt that

**ooohyoung:**

i have anime

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m playing pokemon

i don’t need your anime

**ooohyoung:**

i have oreos

you know you want some sad oreos

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m not sad!

**ooohyoung:**

*deep breath* i have pizza

**yeoyeoman:**

...you may enter.

*******

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**joong:**

it’s been 24 hours

has everyone chilled tf out

**yeoyeoman:**

i’ve been chill

**joong:**

...k

anyone else?

yunho?

**uno bitches:**

well uh

no one actually gave me any advice

at all

everyone just melted down instead

so

no

i’m not chilled tf out

thanks for asking though hyung i hope you’re doing well uwu

**Mars:**

Yunho, I dont think you have a choice in the matter

If Minho is the assistant dance coach, you cant do anything about that

You definitely made a bad first impression

**yeoyeoman:**

uh huh

**ooohyoung:**

minus one point to yeosang for speaking out of turn

**yeoyeoman:**

this isn’t a courtroom

**Mars:**

BUT you can always make a better second impression

My advice is to give him a chance

Apologize for being a twerp and just try to get along

**MaNGo:**

a twerp

**Superbaby:**

Twerp

Are you ninety years old

**Mars:**

Eat shit

**ooohyoung:**

results inconclusive

**joong:**

anyway

i think it’s fine, yunho

it’s just one semester and then you can figure out something else if you need to

maybe minho is actually a cool guy

you never know

**yeoyeoman:**

he is

**ooohyoung:**

he’s a demon

**Superbaby:**

Results inconclusive

**joong:**

and either way, yeosang doesn’t have to spend any time around him

he’s not part of the dance team

so

everyone should be happy

yes?

**Mars:**

I mean, IM not unhappy

**MaNGo:**

same

**sanshine:**

i’m just horny, really

**ooohyoung:**

should i stop by

**Superbaby:**

Ew

**uno bitches:**

i guess you’re right

i hate that i messed up again

i really need to try not to react so quickly to things

**MaNGo:**

babe, youre just passionate

**uno bitches:**

i am :(

**MaNGo:**

usually its a good thing

**uno bitches:**

:)

**Mars:**

Everything will be okay

Promise

What could possibly go wrong?

*******

**_💕 boyfriends 💕_ **

**Superbaby:**

Are you still mad at me? 🥺🥺

**yeoyeoman:**

...it’s becoming more and more difficult to remain mad when you use that face

**Superbaby:**

Oh 🥺

I’m sorry 🥺🥺

I didn’t know 🥺🥺🥺

**yeoyeoman:**

stoooooooop

i’m not mad at you, okay?

not anymore

it just made me feel bad when i found out about the chat

**Superbaby:**

I understand why

And I am actually sorry, even if it wasn’t my idea

**yeoyeoman:**

i know

i just

i just miss you, really

with you working extra hours at the supermarket i feel like we barely get to hang out lately

**Superbaby:**

You know why I work so much

**yeoyeoman:**

i do

and i’ve told you a million times i don’t need fancy dates or presents

just cuddles 🥺

**Superbaby:**

No fair!

You can’t use the face too!

**yeoyeoman:**

bitch i invented the face

**Superbaby:**

I stand corrected

And 

I know you don’t need those things

But I want to treat you like you deserve, Yeosang

It’s really important to me

**yeoyeoman:**

i know

and i love you for it

**Superbaby:**

💖💖💖

**yeoyeoman:**

anyway, it’s really fine

i’m about to become a lot busier myself

**Superbaby:**

Oh?

What’s up?

**yeoyeoman:**

you can’t tell yunho

not even in your little chat of infidels

**Superbaby:**

First of all, dramatic

Secondly

I won’t

I promise

What is it?

**yeoyeoman:**

i joined the dance team!!

i emailed the head of the whole dance department and took the last spot!!

yunho won’t find out until i show up at practice next week hahahaha

**Superbaby:**

You

You _what??_

**yeoyeoman:**

wait why are you mad

i thought you wanted me to have more outlets for dance

**Superbaby:**

I do

I did

But

**yeoyeoman:**

but what

**Superbaby:**

I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to stop you, I really don’t

But

Does it have to be _this_ outlet?

**yeoyeoman:**

...the outlet where half my friends are?

yeah, kinda

**Superbaby:**

Half your friends and Minho

**yeoyeoman:**

jongho

it’s not like that.

**Superbaby:**

I don’t know what it’s like

No one has told me

Yeosang, I swear I’m not jealous

It’s just that Wooyoung is a pretty good judge of character

And if he doesn’t like this guy

**yeoyeoman:**

look

no one has told you anything about minho or what may or may not have happened between us because there’s nothing to tell

we never dated

there was never a dramatic breakup

or a dramatic confession

i had a thing for him for a while, but it went away

that’s all

it was just a high school crush

**Superbaby:**

I believe you.

**yeoyeoman:**

please trust me.

i’m doing this because i want to dance

i said i didn’t, but that was pretty much just me trying to maintain my apathetic image

**Superbaby:**

Yeah, I know 

**yeoyeoman:**

so i just

changed my mind

that’s it

nothing to do with anyone else

**Superbaby:**

Okay.

Okay, baby.

Can I come to all your competitions and performances?

**yeoyeoman:**

i’d be very upset if you didn’t

i don’t know if i could perform as well without you in the front row smiling at me like you do

**Superbaby:**

STOP MAKING ME BLUSH AT WORK!

**yeoyeoman:**

never 💖


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> joong: Hongjoong  
> Mars: Seonghwa  
> uno bitches: Yunho  
> yeoyeoman: Yeosang  
> sanshine: San  
> MaNGo: Mingi  
> ooohyoung: Wooyoung  
> Superbaby: Jongho
> 
> jenojam: Jeno  
> aussielix: Felix  
> sk8eric: Eric
> 
> meanhoe: Minho
> 
> *UPDATES WEEKLY!*

**_if anyone adds yeosang to this chat i’ll choke you out with my bare hands_ **

**uno bitches:**

henlo

is this

the chat without yeosang

**uno bitches:**

i have to make sure

before i

say things

**Superbaby:**

What things

**sanshine:**

it’s the right chat yunho

**ooohyoung:**

what did he do now

**Mars:**

Nothing

None of my children have done anything wrong in their lives, ever

I love you all

**MaNGo:**

soft

**joong:**

wait what about me

**Mars:**

You are a giant literal pain in my dick but youre hot so I accept it

**joong:**

i am: aroused

**Superbaby:**

I’m leaving

**uno bitches:**

wait don’t

i had

things to say?

**Mars:**

Oh right

I apologize

For Hongjoong

**joong:**

bitch

**Mars:**

:)

**uno bitches:**

…...

okay so anyway i’m being forced to add minho to the dance chat which sucks but also there is a much bigger issue at hand

looks like yeosang went behind all of our backs and joined the dance team even after he said he wasn’t interested

and i’m

**sanshine:**

WHAT

**MaNGo:**

uh oh

thats bad

**ooohyoung:**

BYE

**Mars:**

WOOYOUNG COME BACK HERE BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING EQUALLY STUPID

**sanshine:**

good luck with that hyung

i’ll get him dw

he listens to me at least 47 percent of the time

**uno bitches:**

jongho?

do you have anything to say about this?

**Superbaby:**

Not really

He already told me about it

**uno bitches:**

AND YOU DIDN’T IMMEDIATELY SNITCH FOR HIS OWN GOOD???

**joong:**

i'm sure jongho is aware of our national no snitching policy

**Superbaby:**

No, I didn’t

He made me swear not to tell anyone else

He seemed so excited about it and I just

I wanted him to be excited

**uno bitches:**

i mean

i get that

boyfriends or whatever

**Superbaby:**

There’s really no whatever about it, hyung

**uno bitches:**

or whatever

**Superbaby:**

Anyway I did end up sort of unintentionally making it obvious that I wasn’t too pleased with the idea

And we talked about it a little bit

**Mars:**

Conclusions?

**Superbaby:**

I don’t know

I

He swears it doesn’t have anything to do with Minho

Says he just wants to dance

I don’t have a choice but to believe him since I don’t know what happened with Minho and I _do_ trust Yeosang

I just

Ugh

This whole situation is

Idk, overwhelming

**joong:**

there there

**MaNGo:**

great job, hyung

so comfort

very dad

**Superbaby:**

It’s been like a month since we got back from spring break where everything was perfect and romantic and had classic video games and I was just sort of hoping that things would maybe stay like that forever

But

Reality is a harsh mistress, I suppose

**joong:**

good lord

**Superbaby:**

AND I KNOW I’M BEING DRAMATIC

But I can’t help it

Ever since this dude showed up it’s like everything’s changed and yet nothing’s even actually happened yet?

Everyone’s stopped being funny in the main chat

No vine references

No inside jokes

It’s like this is a sequel to something so amazing that it had no choice but to be a letdown

Writing’s bad

Feels bad

**Mars:**

Okay first of all chill the fuck out

**Superbaby:**

I am chill

I am the definition of chill

I’m sitting in chemistry lab completely straight-faced as we have this conversation

_Superbaby sent an image file_

**joong:**

...i don’t want to be alarmist but i feel the need to point out that the beaker behind you is literally on fire

**Superbaby:**

FUCK

GOTTAGO

**_2 bros chillin in a chat room_ **

**ooohyoung:**

HEY MORON

WHERE ARE YOU

*******

**yeoyeoman:**

wow rude

i’m in class?

i’m disappointed that you haven’t managed to memorize my schedule yet this semester

slacking, jung

**ooohyoung:**

shut up

just shut up

**yeoyeoman:**

um

you messaged me

so

**ooohyoung:**

why did you do it

tell me why

**yeoyeoman:**

you might have to be more specific

**ooohyoung:**

i don’t think i do

**yeoyeoman:**

so i guess yunho found out, huh

**ooohyoung:**

yep

**yeoyeoman:**

and then he told everyone, huh

**ooohyoung:**

YEP

**yeoyeoman:**

well

at least he did it in the “right” chat this time, i guess

**ooohyoung:**

yeosang

just

why are you being like this

why are you putting yourself in a position to get hurt again

**yeoyeoman:**

what do you mean again

i feel like suddenly we went to high school in two entirely separate universes

minho never did anything to me

**ooohyoung:**

YES HE DID

he let you follow him around like a lost little puppy for three years

he let you do all his homework and copied off all your tests

HE LET YOU

JUST

**yeoyeoman:**

i offered to do his homework

and let him look at my tests

you know why

**ooohyoung:**

yeah i know why

**yeoyeoman:**

...i feel like you know a different reason than me

because that was pretty sarcastic

**ooohyoung:**

i’m

i’m not trying to be mean or sarcastic, yeo

**yeoyeoman:**

maybe try harder, then

**ooohyoung:**

i just

don’t you remember?

don’t you remember how many times you cried over him?

all the other, much shittier things that happened? that he did to you??

**yeoyeoman:**

yeah, i remember crying over him when i was like 14, woo

i’m not 14 anymore

and i’m not doing this because of him

**ooohyoung:**

bullshit

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m not

i want to dance with you guys

i want to perform with the team

i’d have done it even without minho

but as it is, i’m excited that he’s here and i want us all to be friends

**ooohyoung:**

absolutely not

i will never be his friend

**yeoyeoman:**

oh come on

he’s a really cool guy

**ooohyoung:**

cool and decent are two different things

**yeoyeoman:**

look

just give it a chance

please don’t ruin this for me

**ooohyoung:**

i can’t believe jongho is letting this happen

**yeoyeoman:**

uh yeah

he’s “letting” it happen because he trusts me

why can’t you

**ooohyoung:**

as a wise man once said

i do trust you

with everything except your own heart

**yeoyeoman:**

it’s perhaps slightly unnecessary to use my own phrases against me, wooyoung

**ooohyoung:**

but they’re good sometimes

**yeoyeoman:**

duh

i’m fucking incredible

**ooohyoung:**

lol

you’re definitely something

**yeoyeoman:**

✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ

**ooohyoung:**

oh my god

please stop hanging around with mingi

he’s a bad influence

**yeoyeoman:**

٩(•౪•٩)三

**ooohyoung:**

…...ok bye

*******

**_dance dance revolution_ **

**_uno bitches_** _added_ ** _meanhoe_** _to the chat_

**uno bitches:**

okay everyone

gather up

roll call

**MaNGo:**

present

**aussielix:**

here uwu

**sanshine:**

here

**sk8eric:**

Oh haaaayyyyyyyyyyyy

**jenojam:**

Hi

**ooohyoung:**

i guess

**yeoyeoman:**

wooyoung

**ooohyoung:**

yes? :)

**uno bitches:**

i guess that’s everyone who matters

**uno bitches:**

anyway

i’m glad everyone has welcomed yeosang to the team and the chat so nicely

so

let’s

let’s all try to do the same

for

this guy

i guess

**meanhoe:**

hey guys :) i’m minho. i’m the new assistant dance coach

hope everyone’s having a good day

**MaNGo:**

babe

you didnt 

change his name?

**uno bitches:**

oh shit

uhhhhh

i mean shoot

i’m sorry

i’ll

**meanhoe:**

you can curse

i’m 23, not 87

**uno bitches:**

ok

**jenojam:**

Meanhoe?

That seems

Hmm

**sk8eric:**

B R U H

B R U H

IM

**aussielix:**

am i allowed to laugh uncontrollably please say yes because im doing it anyway

**uno bitches:**

what do you want me to change your name to, um

sir?

**meanhoe:**

you can leave it

i kinda like it

it suits me

just stop calling me sir

**uno bitches:**

oh

ok

**meanhoe:**

can everyone introduce yourselves, please? i know we have our first “real” practice tomorrow as a complete team, and i want to make sure I know everyone a little bit, so i can be as helpful as possible :)

**uno bitches:**

i’m yunho

sir

**meanhoe:**

yes, i know

**jenojam:**

Jeno

**sk8eric:**

Eric

**aussielix:**

im felix!

**MaNGo:**

hi im mingi and i dont like you

**meanhoe:**

you don’t have to like me

i don’t see you on the roster though

why are you in this chat

**uno bitches:**

he’s taking a break this semester but usually he’s one of our main dancers so he’s still in the chat

also he’s my boyfriend so

he stays

**meanhoe:**

sure, whatever

but we all have to get along, mingi

**MaNGo:**

no

**sanshine:**

i’m san

**ooohyoung:**

wooyoung

**yeoyeoman:**

hi, i’m yeosang 😁

**meanhoe:**

...wait…

**ooohyoung:**

somebody else say something to move the conversation along please

**meanhoe:**

yeosang? and… wooyoung?

from high school??

**yeoyeoman:**

oh wow hey! didn’t realize you were THAT minho!

**sanshine:**

*headdesk*

**meanhoe:**

it’s been ages

but you two were always together so i had to stop and think about it for a sec

what a crazy coincidence :)

how’ve you been?

**ooohyoung:**

working out a lot

getting that muscle mass, you know

also getting my black belt in hapkido

no big deal

just that i could probably casually murder you if necessary

**yeoyeoman:**

it has been less than two minutes

can this not wait

**meanhoe:**

huh

guess a few people here aren’t my biggest fans

that’s okay

like i said, you don’t have to like me, i just need to be able to coach you well

does anyone have any questions for me about my experience and training?

**sk8eric:**

Yes papi can we see some dance videos please

**jenojam:**

Oh yeah, that would be cool!

I’m probably not gonna call you papi though, I’m a top

...I don’t know why I said that

Did I make it weird?

**aussielix:**

dont think you made it any weirder than it already was, homie

**jenojam:**

That’s good

**_meanhoe_ ** _shared 5 video files._

**meanhoe:**

these are all a couple years old maybe? but they’re from competitions and stuff like the ones you’ll be attending

so i can give you advice or answer any questions you have about what goes on at those events!

**uno bitches:**

um, so can i

i’m the captain of the team

so

**_world’s best baby bois <3333 uwu_ **

**uno bitches:**

why is he trying to take over my team 

already

he wants my job

**MaNGo:**

babe, you know im on your side, but

he kind of… already has a better job than you

one that he gets paid for

you dont get paid

relax

**uno bitches:**

fuck

thank you

you’re so smart baby i love you

**MaNGo:**

uwu i know

**_dance dance revolution_ **

**yeoyeoman:**

holy shit these choreos are amazing

wow

**jenojam:**

Ngl I think I could probably be convinced to call you papi if Eric keeps doing it

**sk8eric:**

The chances of me stopping are at a hard zero percent

**sanshine:**

babe

i want to dislike it

but

i

**ooohyoung:**

no it’s fine

this is… this is really good stuff, honestly

i’m annoyed

**meanhoe:**

lol

**MaNGo:**

yo when my back shapes up you gotta teach me some of these moves, man

**uno bitches:**

mingi!

**meanhoe:**

sure man

**uno bitches:**

haha guess i’ll just go fuck off somewhere else then

**meanhoe:**

what

**yeoyeoman:**

are you okay, yunho?

**uno bitches:**

oh

yeah totally

that was supposed to be for another chat

sorry

**_world’s best baby bois <3333 uwu_ **

**uno bitches:**

it wasn’t

**MaNGo:**

i know baby

**_dance dance revolution_ **

**meanhoe:**

okay guys

let’s try to get a solid plan together here

the first competition is in… exactly 87 days

that’s less than a week in dance time

**ooohyoung:**

what the fuck is dance time

**meanhoe:**

you know how like cat years are seven years in people time

**jenojam:**

I love cats!

**meanhoe:**

dude SAME

anyway

it’s like that but in reverse

**sk8eric:**

Huh

**aussielix:**

youve lost me

**meanhoe:**

yunho, do you know what i’m talking about?

**uno bitches:**

lolno

**meanhoe:**

great

well

the point is

we have to get a move on

**sanshine:**

oh

you could have just said that

**meanhoe:**

let’s split into groups and try to tackle everything

who’s good at putting together choreography

**aussielix:**

i could be?

**sanshine:**

i’ll help him

**meanhoe:**

cool

so that’s san and felix working on choreo

jeno, i understand you’re pretty well trained in tricking?

**jenojam:**

Yes papi

**sk8eric:**

Omg want to learn

**meanhoe:**

you will

take eric with you and figure out where we can put some showoff moves in the song yunho and i picked

**uno bitches:**

if you guys hate it minho picked it

**meanhoe:**

once the choreo is settled, yunho and wooyoung will be the ones teaching it to you while i supervise because they’re the only ones left

**yeoyeoman:**

oh

**ooohyoung:**

what the fuck

**meanhoe:**

yeosang, i haven’t forgotten about you

**yeoyeoman:**

oh :)

**meanhoe:**

i remember that you were on the cheer squad in high school

**yeoyeoman:**

yes

**meanhoe:**

that training is perfect for running drills every practice

i’ll get you a whistle asap

your job is super important

**yeoyeoman:**

thank you!

**ooohyoung:**

well! that was disgusting to watch

can’t wait to not think about it ever again

**meanhoe:**

problem, wooyoung?

**ooohyoung:**

nah

no problem whatsoever, meanhoe.

**meanhoe:**

good.

i’d hate to have to discipline anyone in the first week

but just know that i will do it if you force my hand

even though we know each other from school, i’m still your coach. don’t test me.

**sk8eric:**

I have a boner

**meanhoe:**

on that note

gotta run, guys

take care!

**_meanhoe’s_ ** _status has been set to_ **_Away._ **

**aussielix:**

hes like the cold, distant father i never had

**aussielix:**

i love him.

**uno bitches:**

jesus christ


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my lateness, guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter x
> 
> joong: Hongjoong  
> Mars: Seonghwa  
> uno bitches: Yunho  
> yeoyeoman: Yeosang  
> sanshine: San  
> MaNGo: Mingi  
> ooohyoung: Wooyoung  
> Superbaby: Jongho
> 
> jenojam: Jeno  
> aussielix: Felix  
> sk8eric: Eric
> 
> meanhoe: Minho
> 
> *UPDATES WEEKLY-ISH!*

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**joong:**

good morning bois and gays

is everyone ready for our family outing?

**ooohyoung:**

no

this time of day is illegal

do you honestly expect me to be a person before lunch

**sanshine:**

we’re ready

**joong:**

san and wooyoung

check

**MaNGo:**

i just have like a quick question

does anyone actually like hiking

even people who do it for money

**Superbaby:**

People hike for money?

**MaNGo:**

idk i just assumed a person could find a way to do anything for money

**Mars:**

Very enterprising, Mingi

Im proud

**ooohyoung:**

no one likes hiking

no one likes spending a bunch of money on fancy hiking shoes and fancy hiking gear and then power walking for hours just to get to a different place that also doesn’t have indoor plumbing

**uno bitches:**

points are being made here

**ooohyoung:**

nature is for assholes

**yeoyeoman:**

hyung are you just gonna take this abuse lying down

**joong:**

i am, actually

this wasn’t my idea so i have no real problem with anyone disliking it

**Mars:**

It was my idea

And I also dont care if you dislike it

No one gave me a better one

**ooohyoung:**

i’ll give you several

number one sitting inside not moving

**Mars:**

Youre doing that right now Im sure

**ooohyoung:**

number two having air conditioning

**sanshine:**

we’ll bring little handheld fans, woo

**ooohyoung:**

i reject a handheld fan

fuck a handheld fan

**joong:**

while wooyoung is getting all his bitching out

jongho and yeosang?

are you sure you guys won’t go with us?

**Superbaby:**

I couldn’t get anyone to cover my shift

**sanshine:**

i was the only person who was available

and i wasn’t available

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m not going if jongho’s not going

**ooohyoung:**

what the fuque

you have? other friends?

such as me?

**yeoyeoman:**

great update thanks

**uno bitches:**

lol

**yeoyeoman:**

my other friends won’t make out with me to distract me from my forced leg day misery

**MaNGo:**

you never asked

**Mars:**

Bitch I might

**Superbaby:**

What in gay hell

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m uncomfortable

**sanshine:**

great success

**ooohyoung:**

what are you even going to do instead

it’s saturday

jongho’s working

literally every single one of your other friends is going

**yeoyeoman:**

bold of you to assume i need company to have a good time

**yeoyeoman:**

also

i have friends besides you guys

**joong:**

do you

**yeoyeoman:**

i don’t have to answer stupid questions in my own bed

**Mars:**

You dont

Because were leaving

Last call

**Superbaby:**

I’ve gotta get ready for work

**yeoyeoman:**

i’ve gotta get back to lounging

**ooohyoung:**

i won’t forget this betrayal, kang yeosang

**yeoyeoman:**

i hope you don’t

it’ll happen again, i’m sure

best to be prepared

**uno bitches:**

FRIENDSHIP

**Superbaby:**

Bye you guys

**sanshine:**

bye

**ooohyoung:**

bye i guess

**uno bitches:**

mingi and i say bye

he just got up to go shower

**joong:**

bruh

**Mars:**

Were supposed to meet up in ten minutes!

**sanshine:**

it’s fine hyung

the rocks aren’t going to move in that amount of time

science

**ooohyoung:**

that’s not science

that’s just a statement

**sanshine:**

where is the SUPPORT

**ooohyoung:**

i support facts

**yeoyeoman:**

...have fun guys

**Mars:**

We will!

Or else!

**uno bitches:**

is anyone else not intimidated at all by that “threat”

**sanshine:**

definitely not

**ooohyoung:**

nope

**joong:**

i’m not but if i say that i’ll get punished later 🤭 

**Mars:**

I can read, you know

**uno bitches:**

i! am! eating!

**joong:**

sounds like a you problem

**Mars:**

Good talk, guys.

*******

**_💕 boyfriends 💕_ **

**Superbaby:**

So what  _ are  _ you gonna do today, handsome?

I feel bad leaving you all by yourself while I work 🙁🙁

**yeoyeoman:**

jongho

i’m literally the most antisocial person you know, am i not

**Superbaby:**

Well

Yes

**yeoyeoman:**

i only associate with you so much because i love you and you’re not exhausting

at least not emotionally or mentally

**Superbaby:**

Nonononono

Not right before I have to go to work

If I walk in with a boner I’ll never live it down

**yeoyeoman:**

as long as you make sure they know who gave it to ya, handsome ;)

**Superbaby:**

You’re the worst

**yeoyeoman:**

and yet

**Superbaby:**

And

Yet

**Superbaby:**

Anyway

You didn’t actually answer my question lol

**yeoyeoman:**

i was getting there

i’m going to do nothing

nothing at all

and i hope it’s everything i want it to be

**Superbaby:**

Lol

**yeoyeoman:**

jongho i’m dead serious

if you come home to me doing anything at all besides lying in bed half comatose with the remains of consumed fried chicken takeout around me

i fully expect your abject disdain

**Superbaby:**

I’ll do my best

Have fun, baby

**yeoyeoman:**

already on it x

*******

**_Tired™_ **

**joong:**

babe can you come in here

i wanna know if these weird hiking shorts i bought make my ass look big

**Mars:**

...I think you have to first  _ have  _ an ass, Joong.

**joong:**

wow ok fuck you

my ass is amazing

**Mars:**

Sure, honey

*Patpat*

**joong:**

i will leave you to take care of the kids all by yourself i swear to god

**Mars:**

You wont

Please stop admiring your own butt, Im sure everyone will start showing up soon

**joong:**

i’ll admire my own butt anytime i please

**Mars:**

Fine

Come out and show me the pants

*******

**joong:**

the spank as i walked back into the bedroom was not needed

**Mars:**

I needed it

**joong:**

i stand corrected.

*******

**_hey yeosang :)_ **

**_meanhoe_ ** _ added  _ **_yeoyeoman_ **

**meanhoe:**

hey!

how’s it going?

**yeoyeoman:**

oh

hey!

it’s fine i guess

you?

**meanhoe:**

doing good

was just thinking about you and thought maybe we could catch up

we didn’t get a lot of time to talk during practice

**yeoyeoman:**

haha yeah true

**meanhoe:**

while we’re on the topic

i did kind of notice that every time we were within four feet of each other wooyoung showed up out of thin air to drag you away

what’s

what’s up with that

**yeoyeoman:**

i

i guess that’s just wooyoung.

**meanhoe:**

i would have added him to this chat too

but

he doesn’t seem to like me very much

obviously.

**yeoyeoman:**

i wouldn’t let it bother you

he doesn’t even know why he doesn’t like you

**meanhoe:**

weird

**yeoyeoman:**

yeah

**yeoyeoman:**

well

how are you enjoying your new job?

**meanhoe:**

i like it here :)

the campus is nice and most everyone has been super welcoming so far

**yeoyeoman:**

that’s good

the freshmen definitely love you lol

**meanhoe:**

haha i’ve noticed

**meanhoe:**

wait

does that mean you and the others don’t?

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m really not involved in whatever hate campaign my friends have mounted against you, honestly

i was excited when i found out you were the new assistant coach!

**meanhoe:**

aw

thanks

i didn’t realize how much i missed you

you guys

too

**yeoyeoman:**

really?

**meanhoe:**

yeah!

i mean i thought we had a lot of fun times in high school

**yeoyeoman:**

same!

**meanhoe:**

remember when you were my understudy for romeo and juliet?

and you taught me how to do my makeup?

**yeoyeoman:**

lol yeah

you were kinda hopeless until i came along

**meanhoe:**

yeah.

**yeoyeoman:**

yeah

**meanhoe:**

well

it’s a shame that wooyoung thinks i’m so awful

we could have hung out and reminisced together

**yeoyeoman:**

oh

i mean, yeah

that makes sense

would probably have been more fun for you that way

**meanhoe:**

i didn’t say that

**yeoyeoman:**

oh

**meanhoe:**

anyway

**yeoyeoman:**

yeah

anyway

**_meanhoe_ ** _ sent an image file _

**meanhoe:**

i’m busting my ass at the gym rn haha

gotta keep on my grind

**yeoyeoman:**

oh

you look

sweaty

**meanhoe:**

suppose i do lol

what are you up to?

can i get a pic back, just for fun?

**yeoyeoman:**

um

i just finished eating fried chicken

my favorite

so i’m kind of a mess 

i’m not even properly dressed or anything

i’m not really pic worthy at the moment

**meanhoe:**

oh come on

please?

**yeoyeoman:**

sigh

okay

**_yeoyeoman_ ** _ sent an image file _

**meanhoe:**

cute.

**yeoyeoman:**

i’m not lol

**meanhoe:**

let me have my opinion!

**yeoyeoman:**

okay okay

i will

**meanhoe:**

good

**meanhoe:**

so besides fried chicken, what else do you have planned for the afternoon?

**yeoyeoman:**

all my friends went hiking

i didn’t feel like going

so i’m just hanging out in my room basically

**meanhoe:**

nature is for assholes anyway

**yeoyeoman:**

you and wooyoung really WOULD get along if he gave it a chance lmao

**meanhoe:**

lol maybe

**meanhoe:**

anyway

i was going to spend some time in a bit running choreo with the new kids

but they all canceled on me

**yeoyeoman:**

maybe they’re all going to some sort of uwu convention where felix is a keynote speaker later instead

**meanhoe:**

loooooooool

anyway i’m still down here in the athletics building

wanna come down? i know you’re a bit behind too as far as team experience

i could help get you a bit more caught up

y’know, if you want

no pressure

**yeoyeoman:**

um

yeah, okay

i could do that

wooyoung’s kind of been too busy trying to set you on fire with his eyes to really help me learn the routines as quick as i need to tbh

i’d appreciate the help

**meanhoe:**

cool

see you soon!

**yeoyeoman:**

see ya

**_GAYS!!!_ **

**MaNGo:**

guys

im really worried that i might be dead

am i dead

did i die on the trail back there

**uno bitches:**

you’re not dead

but you should probably turn over

laying face down in the dirt is uh 

gross

**MaNGo:**

listen

this is just how i ended up

who am i to mess with the universes plan

**sanshine:**

just leave him be

i wanna see if he can fall asleep like that

**uno bitches:**

he probably can

that’s what i’m trying to prevent

**Mars:**

You guys are wusses

Didnt you hike this trail before, Mingi? Yunho?

And I feel like San and Wooyoung have been here a few times as well

**ooohyoung:**

we were much younger then

more energetic

**sanshine:**

we had our whole lives ahead of us

**uno bitches:**

i’m barely winded fwiw

just because i’m not enjoying myself doesn’t mean i can’t physically succeed at anything i attempt

**ooohyoung:**

disgusting

**joong:**

i’m also fine, not that anyone asked

never felt better

**MaNGo:**

seonghwa piggybacked you the last half a mile you cheater

**Mars:**

Friendly reminder that the last half a mile was not the last half mile in general

Were only two thirds of the way done

Then we have to walk back

**sanshine:**

fuck you 

i’ll call an uber for me and wooyoung

**MaNGo:**

take me with you

**joong:**

well this has been an excellent team building exercise, hyung

**ooohyoung:**

i think that flopping in a pile of complaints and sweat in the back of a stranger’s toyota would really help to build our team, actually

**sanshine:**

fuck

there’s like no signal out here

😮 you did this on purpose, seonghwa hyung!

**Mars:**

Ok

**MaNGo:**

were going to die out here arent we

**uno bitches:**

no

dont be dramatic

**MaNGo:**

but its my Personality Trait

**joong:**

lol

**Mars:**

Breaks over guys

Lets get moving

**ooohyoung:**

san

carry me

**sanshine:**

i’m good

every man for himself

byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**ooohyoung:**

i’ll kill you

**sanshine:**

you have to catch me first

**ooohyoung:**

i’ll let you live

for today

**sanshine:**

😘

*******

**_💕 boyfriends 💕_ **

**yeoyeoman:**

hey

just wanted to let you know that i might not be around by the time you’re off work, but if i’m not i’ll be back really soon after

i found something to do with my afternoon

**Superbaby:**

I just got on my break :)

What are you gonna be up to?

**yeoyeoman:**

minho messaged me and we caught up for a bit

he offered to help me work on some of the routines, since i’m kinda behind everyone else atm

and, y’know, since

wooyoung is being

wooyoung

**Superbaby:**

Oh

That’s

Um

That’s cool

Just the two of you?

**yeoyeoman:**

yeah i guess so

he said he was supposed to have an extra practice with the other new kids but they bailed on him

**Superbaby:**

I see

**yeoyeoman:**

so

is that okay?

**Superbaby:**

Yeosang, you don’t have to ask me if it’s okay to go do stuff

I don’t want to be that kind of boyfriend

**yeoyeoman:**

i know

but

idk

wooyoung made me feel like maybe this kind of stuff would bother you

like

being friends with minho or whatever

so i just

wanted to be up front about it

**Superbaby:**

I appreciate that, baby

And I’ll be murdering Wooyoung later for putting that thought in your head

**yeoyeoman:**

lol please don’t

he’s already being weird enough about everything

**yeoyeoman:**

anyway

you don’t mind, right?

if you mind i’ll cancel

i really will

**Superbaby:**

You really would?

That doesn’t sound like a very Yeosang thing to do

**yeoyeoman:**

...ok i probably wouldn’t

but i would feel bad while i was doing the thing i knew you didn’t want me to do

does that count

**Superbaby:**

Half credit

**yeoyeoman:**

they called me kang “half credit” yeosang in school

**Superbaby:**

Oh shut up

**yeoyeoman:**

lol

i love you

**Superbaby:**

I love you too

Have fun

And text me when you’re on your way back?

**yeoyeoman:**

of course

bye!

**Superbaby:**

Bye 💓

**_this is just between you and me_ **

**Superbaby:**

WOOYOUNG I AM GOING TO DECAPITATE YOU AND FEED YOUR DISEMBODIED HEAD TO YOUR FAMILY CAT

GET IN HERE NOW


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> joong: Hongjoong  
> Mars: Seonghwa  
> uno bitches: Yunho  
> yeoyeoman: Yeosang  
> sanshine: San  
> MaNGo: Mingi  
> ooohyoung: Wooyoung  
> Superbaby: Jongho
> 
> jenojam: Jeno  
> aussielix: Felix  
> sk8eric: Eric
> 
> meanhoe: Minho
> 
>   
> *UPDATES WEEKLY... ISH*

**_this is just between you and me_ **

**ooohyoung:**

oh

hey

did you need something?

*******

**Superbaby:**

...Yes

A week ago

I needed something.

**ooohyoung:**

oh shit

my bad dude

**ooohyoung:**

do you still need it?

**Superbaby:**

...I guess.

**ooohyoung:**

what’s up

**Superbaby:**

I was upset

Because Yeosang told me that you told him that it would bother me if he hung out with Minho

Alone

When Minho invited him to hang out

Alone

**ooohyoung:**

well

wouldn’t it?

**Superbaby:**

YES BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT

**ooohyoung:**

how is it not

**Superbaby:**

BECAUSE

THAT’S NOT THE PERSON I WANT TO BE

THAT’S NOT THE BOYFRIEND I WANT TO BE

**ooohyoung:**

a boyfriend who looks out for his boyfriend?

**Superbaby:**

No

That’s not what that is

That’s a paranoid boyfriend

**ooohyoung:**

...is that not what you are

**Superbaby:**

MAYBE

BUT HE DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT

**ooohyoung:**

jongho

yes he does

**Superbaby:**

No

**ooohyoung:**

no, listen to me

this is your first relationship with a boy, right?

**Superbaby:**

Well

Yes

But

**ooohyoung:**

and there are some things that you’re still sort of learning how to navigate, right?

**Superbaby:**

Well

Yes

**ooohyoung:**

okay

so

those are the things yeosang DOES need to know about

you need to be open with each other

if something bothers you, he DOES need to know

it doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t end up getting to do those things

but both of you deserve to have the truth out there

**Superbaby:**

It’s just

He’s been really honest with me about this so far

He told me he joined the dance team before he told anyone else

And he told me that he was going to hang out with Minho and practice

He’s obviously not hiding anything

So I just

**ooohyoung:**

you feel like a dick for still worrying about it

**Superbaby:**

Yes, that

**ooohyoung:**

don’t

**Superbaby:**

Thanks

Great advice

**ooohyoung:**

lol

i’m serious

don’t feel bad for normal human emotions

not everything is gonna be sunshine and roses in a relationship

but you just have to talk about things when you feel them

if you wait and then they get weirder and weirder in your head…

**Superbaby:**

It’s gonna blow up

**ooohyoung:**

yeah

**Superbaby:**

I mean I get that

But

It’s kinda too late now

As that was

A week ago

**ooohyoung:**

my fault

**Superbaby:**

It’s okay

You’re just

The person I talk to about Yeosang

Mostly

**ooohyoung:**

cute

**Superbaby:**

Shut up

**ooohyoung:**

you’re cute

it’s cute how much you worry about stuff

**Superbaby:**

You only think that because you don’t have to be on the receiving end of my bullshit

**ooohyoung:**

maybe

but still

**ooohyoung:**

look

yeosang loves you

a lot

**Superbaby:**

I know he does

**ooohyoung:**

so what are you worried about?

**Superbaby:**

That he’s better than me.

**ooohyoung:**

who

yeosang?

**Superbaby:**

No.

Yeosang is 100% better than and too good for me and I accepted that even before we started dating

**ooohyoung:**

jongho

**Superbaby:**

I’m worried that Minho is

Better than me.

**ooohyoung:**

at?

**Superbaby:**

Everything!

**ooohyoung:**

he’s not

**Superbaby:**

I don’t know if your opinion counts, you don’t exactly run the Minho fan club

**ooohyoung:**

it counts

i’m the president of the jongsang fan club

**Superbaby:**

Lol

**ooohyoung:**

even without everything that happened when we were in high school

minho isn’t good for yeosang

or _at_ yeosang

whatever

he doesn’t take anything seriously

not relationships or people or anything

**Superbaby:**

What if he’s changed?

What if he’s seen the error of his ways and is trying to make amends and get a second chance?

**ooohyoung:**

then it still won’t work

yeosang is crazy CRAZY in love with you, jongho

it’s disgusting

truly

**Superbaby:**

I know

But just

Why did it have to be Minho

**ooohyoung:**

?

**Superbaby:**

When he went to practice with Minho

So he could catch up on the choreo

Why did it have to be him

Why couldn’t he have asked you

Or Yunho

Or San

Anyone else

**ooohyoung:**

i don’t know, jongho

i’m betting he didn’t ask

i’m betting it was minho’s idea and yeosang’s always

wait

nevermind

i’d better not

**Superbaby:**

You’d better.

**ooohyoung:**

is that a threat

**Superbaby:**

Do you want it to be?

**ooohyoung:**

sigh

**ooohyoung:**

it’s just

i’m betting it was minho’s idea, and yeosang’s always been

he’s always wanted minho to like him

not even romantically

just

in any capacity

**Superbaby:**

Why?

**ooohyoung:**

i dunno, hero worship?

i mean, the guy IS good looking

even i can admit that

but he was honestly king shit at our high school

everyone was in love with him

but he hung out with kids that weren’t very popular

like me and yeosang

**Superbaby:**

That seems in opposition to everything I remember about high school or learned in movies

**ooohyoung:**

yeah

it is

and there were reasons, i guess

but like i said

they aren’t mine to tell

**Superbaby:**

Well I’m not going to ask Yeosang what they are

**ooohyoung:**

so you’ve learned nothing during this conversation

cool

fantastic

**Superbaby:**

No, I have

It’s helped, hyung

I know Yeosang cares a lot about me and I know he would never intentionally put our relationship in jeopardy

This conversation has gotten that through my head, if nothing else

**ooohyoung:**

i guess that’s something

**Superbaby:**

It is

**ooohyoung:**

look

just see how things go

yeosang is gonna do whatever he’s gonna do

i promise i won’t meddle anymore

or put any more thoughts in his head

**Superbaby:**

Thank you

**ooohyoung:**

my pleasure

now if you’ll excuse me

san just got home from work

i made him a meal

gotta serve it up

**Superbaby:**

Hyung

**ooohyoung:**

it’s me

i’m the meal

**Superbaby:**

HYUNG

**ooohyoung:**

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*******

**_Tired™_ **

**Mars:**

So

Are you going to tell me whats wrong

Or do I have to fuck it out of you

**joong:**

nothing’s wrong

and if those are my options then definitely the second one

**Mars:**

Youre a shit liar

**joong:**

i’m sure i don’t know what you mean

**Mars:**

I bet your eye is twitching right now

The left one

Isnt it

**joong:**

NO

NOTHING’S WRONG

I’M PERFECTLY FINE

I’M NOT AT ALL AFFECTED BY THE FACT THAT YOU LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE THE WORST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE AT DINNER

**Mars:**

What??

How did I do that??

**joong:**

oh please

**Mars:**

Hongjoong, if I did something to offend you, I seriously do not know what it was

Which means it wasnt intentional

Ill still apologize for it if you tell me what you think happened though

**joong:**

ugh

no that’s

that’s stupid

you shouldn’t apologize for something you didn’t even do on purpose

**Mars:**

But I will

Because thats how much I care about you

So please tell me whats bothering you

**joong:**

it’s just that

when we were at dinner

and san and wooyoung were talking about how much wooyoung’s parents love san and how often they get together and see each other

and you said

“must be nice”

i

**Mars:**

Oh.

Hongjoong

Baby

I _am_ sorry about that

I didnt mean to

**joong:**

but you did

and it hurt

like

i know i’m being weird about meeting your parents even though we’ve been together for a while

i just

i’ve never been able to even TELL my parents i was dating a boy

much less bring one home to meet them

**Mars:**

Ive met your parents

**joong:**

you met them for ten minutes when they dropped me off freshman year

**Mars:**

Counts

**joong:**

it doesn’t

they don’t know i’m

you know

**Mars:**

I know

Thats part of why Ive been wanting you to meet my family, Joong.

**joong:**

what?

**Mars:**

I didnt have to go through what youre dealing with as far as your parents

They knew I was gay before I did

Theyve been supportive through everything

And I know that theyll love you and I hoped that maybe you could get the support you needed from them

I guess

I just wanted to

**joong:**

take care of me.

**Mars:**

Yeah

Youre a stubborn little shit but I want to anyway

Its confusing for me and my dick

**joong:**

thank you

**Mars:**

For what

Calling you a little shit?

**joong:**

yeah

and

wanting to

y’know

**Mars:**

Oh. Its okay. Its my job.

**joong:**

it’s not

it’s not your job to give me a whole other family

**Mars:**

Like hell its not

Kim Hongjoong I have raised six strapping sons with you and I will not hear any more of this absolute slander

**joong:**

hwa

**Mars:**

No let me finish

**Mars:**

We are family

Youre my family

Even when we werent this you were my family

So all I wanted was to share what I had with you

**joong:**

i love you

**Mars:**

I love you too

Idiot

**joong:**

when your parents come visit next

let’s make plans with them

we can go to dinner or something

somewhere i can hold your hand under the table for emotional support purposes

**Mars:**

You know

There are a lot of things you can do with your hands under the table that would support me emotionally

Im just

Putting that out there

**joong:**

i cannot believe

even during this beautiful moment in our relationship

**Mars:**

Yes you can

**joong:**

yes i can and it’s at least 80 percent of why we’re dating

**Mars:**

Whats the other 20 percent

**joong:**

you being able to reach the top shelf of the pantry

**Mars:**

I feel so used.

*******

**_dance babies_ **

**_sk8eric_ ** _added_ **_jenojam, aussielix_ ** _and_ **_uno bitches_ **

**jenojam:**

Stop

I hate the name

**aussielix:**

why its cute

**sk8eric:**

But

**jenojam:**

Change it

**sk8eric:**

To what

**jenojam:**

Something that doesn’t have babies in the title

**aussielix:**

but we are babies

**jenojam:**

No

**sk8eric:**

Fine

Party pooper

**_sk8eric_ ** _changed the chat name to_ **_dance heaux_ **

**sk8eric:**

Better?

**jenojam:**

...Whatever

*******

**uno bitches:**

oh hey guys

what’s this separate chat?

**sk8eric:**

Greetings dance papi

**uno bitches:**

eric, i told you to stop calling me that

mingi’s getting jealous

**sk8eric:**

Sorry master nunchuck daddy

**uno bitches:**

not better

**jenojam:**

Hey Yunho hyung

**uno bitches:**

Jeno

**aussielix:**

hewwo

**uno bitches:**

felix

how is it that you have a voice as deep as the ocean but the words that come out of your mouth just scream “bottom energy” at me

**aussielix:**

haha about that

**uno bitches:**

...and just like that, an icy chill ran down my spine

**jenojam:**

We made this chat because we have information to disclose

**uno bitches:**

ok

**sk8eric:**

But where to begin

**aussielix:**

i was born in the year 2000 in a mythical land called straya

**uno bitches:**

preferably long after that, i don’t have all day

**jenojam:**

So over the weekend the three of us attended a party together

Our first party

Together 

**jenojam:**

Drinks were imbibed

Things occurred

**sk8eric:**

My underwear is still at large

**aussielix:**

and we all made out! 

with! each other!!

**uno bitches:**

parlez-vous the fuck

why

why are you telling me this

why do i need this information

**sk8eric:**

Because you are dance papi

**uno bitches:**

i’m not

i’m really not

**aussielix:**

but now we have a new daddy

**uno bitches:**

if you say it’s jeno i’m leaving the chat

**jenojam:**

I’m sorry in advance

But it’s me

I’m apparently 

That

**_uno bitches_ ** _has left the chat_

**_sk8eric_ ** _added_ **_uno bitches_ **

**uno bitches:**

LET ME LIVE

PREFERABLY WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THREE OF MY DANCE CHILDREN ARE HOOKING UP

TOGETHER

A DEVIL’S THREEWAY

**aussielix:**

lol

**jenojam:**

We just wanted to be honest about things

Because we aren’t just hooking up

I think this is like

A relationship

I think we are in a relationship or something

**uno bitches:**

jeno

are you okay

did they stockholm you into this

you don’t have to be the new dance papi if you don’t want to

oh my god i’m fucking talking like you little morons now

**jenojam:**

I’m reasonably sure I haven’t been Stockholmed

I like both Eric and Felix

:)

**sk8eric:**

haha gay

**jenojam:**

Yeah that’s the fucking point

**uno bitches:**

i’ll ask again

why are you telling me this

there’s no reason

no reason at all

**jenojam:**

Well we thought

We thought maybe we needed to tell you

As our coach

You know like at jobs where you have to tell the boss if you’re sleeping with someone else in the office

**uno bitches:**

number one that’s only a thing if the other person is in a higher position than you

**aussielix:**

we tried a lot of positions

**uno bitches:**

NUMBER TWO

minho is your coach

**sk8eric:**

Yeah but

Minhos not down with the youth

You understand us

**uno bitches:**

minho is about three seconds older than me which makes him five minutes older than you at a stretch

**uno bitches:**

and i _don’t_ understand you, actually

i don’t understand why i’ve been ripped from my happy, oblivious life and given these details that i did not ask for

can you just keep them to yourselves please

**jenojam:**

So we didn’t need to tell you?

We were just trying to do the right thing, hyung.

**uno bitches:**

look

i appreciate your commitment to the team and to unnecessary honesty

i do

but it’s fine

this is college

we all fuck around and do weird shit

for all i know you guys might dance even better with your boyfriends on the team

i know i dance better when mingi’s with me

**aussielix:**

BIG UWU

**sk8eric:**

Soft

**uno bitches:**

so just

don’t let it affect practices and events and for the love of god don’t tell me anything else about what happens between you while you’re dating or whatever

and we’ll be all good

got it?

**jenojam:**

Got it

**aussielix:**

got it

**sk8eric:**

Yes master nunchuck daddy

**uno bitches:**

and think of a better name by the next time we talk

**jenojam:**

He will

I’ll make sure

**uno bitches:**

thank you

honestly i’m glad you’ve got felix and eric under control, jeno

maybe my job will get easier

**aussielix:**

it probably wont

**sk8eric:**

Lol

**jenojam:**

I’ll do what I can, hyung

**sk8eric:**

Hi my name is What I Can

**jenojam:**

Eric

**sk8eric:**

Sorry daddy


	7. Hiatus

Hey guys, just a quick note to let you know that I'm pausing this fic for a few weeks so I can work on paid fic commissions! I've got some really great ones to complete, so please look out for them. I'll be back soon, sorry to leave you hanging for now xx


	8. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead.

Hey y'all 🙂 

First things first, I'm still alive. 

I originally said I needed to take a break from this fic for several weeks. That's now turned into five months, and I apologize for that. A lot has been going on with me personally, and I'm trying my best to get through it and get back to writing. Between my own health issues, changes in my employment, and my mother becoming seriously ill and needing much more of my time, help and attention, it's been really rough. I deal with several chronic illnesses, some stress-triggered, and lately it seems like if I'm not busy helping my mom, I'm stuck in bed, unable to do much of anything. 

However.

I've also completely reworked the outline for this fic into something that I think will be much more entertaining and interesting than my original plan, and I'm excited to share it with you all as soon as I can. I thought it would be a good idea to just pop in with an update, since my readers are starting to ask when I'll be coming back. At the moment, the answer to that question is "hopefully soon".

It means so much to me that anyone still remembers or cares about this story after so much time has passed, and I'm truly grateful. Please just bear with me a bit longer, and thank you so much for your patience and support. 

xx Jinx


End file.
